Bringing in the New Year With Hope

I haven’t been one for New Year’s resolutions for a long time because of all of the years I’ve said, “I’m going to lose weight” and didn’t follow through with any long term results.  This year is no exception, other than I am making several promises to myself.  I promise to continue on with the journey I’ve been on and keep pushing the boundaries that have been in place all of my life.  I promise myself time and energy spent on myself, knowing it’s worth it and that I can give more to others when I give more to myself.  I also promise to work on being gentler on myself and my emotions in hopes that this gives me more peace.

2013 was for the most part a great year.  But this past few months have been difficult and I’m finding it hard to want to celebrate a good year.  So instead, I’m looking ahead and planning for 2014 to be MY year for peace, joy, accomplishments yet to be made and limits to be pushed.  It’s not selfish, it’s about taking care of myself as it’s only me I have to depend on.

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Photo Shoot

I mentioned this a few weeks back but didn’t want to post the pictures until I had given my husband the calender I had made with them.  To recap, a lady who used to own a clothing and lingerie store in town offered a photo shoot for women.  I thought this might be a good way for me to put together a unique Christmas gift for my husband as well as help me through some major body image issues I’m having.  I left that photo shoot feeling so much better about myself which was a good thing for me.  I’m going to post a few of the pictures here as I believe they turned out tasteful enough that I’m not embarrassed.  I am proud of how they turned out so I hope I’m not offending anyone.

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Christmas has come and gone…

And I couldn’t be happier that it is.  This was probably one of the least enjoyable Christmases I’ve ever had.  More family drama than ever and in my already heightened emotional state, it wasn’t pretty.  Oh, and to top it off, my 9 year old daughter ended up with a stomach bug that resulted in projectile vomiting at my parent’s place, all over their bathroom including cupboards, floor, walls, tub and all over the toilet.  And because of my sister’s weakened state of health after her first chemotherapy treatment a couple weeks ago, my husband ended up disinfecting the bathroom with alcohol before taking her home early.  T’was a fun night!

I’m sure you are wondering how this all has affected my nutrition and exercise routine.  Well, I gave myself the week of Christmas “off” and know that there were days I ate to stuff my feelings and to the point of being uncomfortable.  And it’s now been 9 days since my last workout.  But, today was back on the wagon nutrition wise and I’m hoping tomorrow to get in a workout.  I am not going to get on the scale until I’ve been back into my routine for a week or so in hopes some of the damage I’ve done will be taken care of.

I’m quite sure many people don’t agree with giving myself permission to take a week “off” my plan, so I think I should explain my thinking on this.  I’ve been at this for almost 2 years now, and I know that I would never have made it this far if it wasn’t for the occasional times I give myself permission to do this.  I believe this is “real life”.  I know I probably gained more than a few pounds, and that’s ok because I know how to get it off, and I haven’t thrown in the towel completely.  I’m actually excited to get back into my routine and as part of my Boxing Day shopping, today I purchased a jacket that I intend to wear in my planned outdoor runs.

This past year has been full of ups and downs.  Lots of ups related to getting my life back due to this journey, and some serious downs that were like an emotional punch to the stomach.  This sums up my thoughts about this year nicely:

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Weight loss milestone reached

This week I managed to hit 125 pounds lost since starting this journey almost 2 years ago.  That number also means I am now exactly 150 pounds less than my highest known non-pregnant weight of 338.  Why is it so hard for me to accept these numbers as the fantastic job intellectually I know it is?  I’m thinking I’d like to lose another 35-40 lbs before looking into skin removal surgery and that number seems so ridiculously small compared to when I started this and I thought that I would never get to a goal because I had so much to lose and it seemed insurmountable.  Yet, here I am, sort of on the homestretch and I can’t wrap my head around it.

Back in control…

…at least food-wise.  I’m still on an emotional rollercoaster and probably shouldn’t expect anything different until at least the Christmas holiday is over.  It’s been 2 days now of being in control of my food intake and I’m happy that once again, I didn’t throw in the towel when faced with difficulties like I have most of my life.  It’s a small success, but I’m counting it as a strong one.

Sometimes it’s important to be happy with the small things in order to not succumb to the bigger problems.  I’ve always been a “glass half full” kind of person so I need to focus on that.  I believe it’s a step in the right direction.

Really bad week.

On both a personal level as well as my fitness progress, it’s been a terrible week.  6 days ago I discovered heartbreaking news that suggested a level of betrayal of my trust that has turned my world up on it’s end.  Since then, I’ve had days in which I’ve barely eaten anything to binge eating in which I was fully aware that it was nothing more than a choice to try to stuff my emotions with food.  And to top it off, I’ve only managed to work out twice this week.

The good news, is that I’m honest about it, both here and to myself. My lack of ability to cope with this stress when I know myself to be a very strong individual who has overcome a lot of pain in my life sent me to talk with a friend who is a counselor about my coping with this.  That discussion brought up some of my issues that I know are still present relating to my weight issue and what I know I’m working on and a suggestion came up of a possible treatment option to help me totally deal with it.  I will be looking into that in the near future.

In the meantime, please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.  This is going to be a tough Christmas.

Podcast interview published

About 6 weeks ago I was contacted through Sparkpeople by a personal trainer who saw my profile on the site and was interested in interviewing me about my success losing so much weight.  So on Skype, he interviewed me for over an hour and he used my interview as well as 3 others to publish a podcast series.  My interview is #2 at this link:  http://podnova.com/add.html#url=http%3A%2F%2Ftrimendeavors.libsyn.com%2Frss

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